Little hands, big problems.
Ever had the thought, “okay, here comes the tantrum”?
Young children are resourceful little beings. If there is something they want, they typically find a way to get it. Honestly, with most things-I think more power to them, but for a variety of good reasons there are objects in every home that are considered off limits. Usually our children know what things they are not supposed to have, and when they know we want it out of their hands, a struggle or standoff can ensue.
TV controllers, phones, wallets, keys, makeup, or jewelry. These are just a few things our kiddos like to get their hands on that we prefer they don’t. The steps we take to get those objects out of their little hands can have a variety of consequences. At times, physically removing the object might just work, or you may end up with a tantrum of varying intensity and length, you may end up chasing your child around the coffee table, then behind the couch, and into surrounding rooms. When your child gets possession of an object, in their mind, IT’S THEIRS and taking it from them is an insult deep into their soul. The act of you removing that object is quite personal, a fact they will make loud and clear.
The next time your child has something they are not supposed to have…pause, then consider taking a different approach to get that object out of their hands.
***IMPORTANT If the object presents a safety issue, by all means get it out of their hands as quickly as possible any way you can***
Trying a new approach
Children like to feel they have some stake in the game, some control, they like to feel empowered. After all, most of the time, they have a parent telling them what to do and when to do it, right? Try to give your child some say or some control over how the object leaves their possession. You’ll have to do some quick thinking on your feet and exhibit some patience, but you’ll be rewarded.
Once we let our children know we want…what they are not supposed to have, in their eyes, its game on! So, let’s not immediately make them aware of our intentions. Without asking for or commenting on the object, find a way to get close to them in a loving or playful way…. Once they are at arm’s reach, you can get to work. Pick your child up and say, “Uh oh, we’re not supposed to have Mommy’s phone. Well, hey, where should we put it?”. Name some spots that are close by and out of reach, while gesturing to these spots. “Should we put in on the fridge, in the bag, should we put on the shelf, in the drawer, where do you think we should put Mommy’s phone?” If they don’t choose, choose for them. Point to the spot and say “ok, put in…put on, etc, as simply as you can state it. Allow THEM to let go of the object. If they hesitate, some gentle physical prompts at the elbow, wrist, or hand can encourage them to release it. As soon as they do, you VERY quickly and enthusiastically praise them with “good listening”, then hurriedly redirect their focus or attention onto something else in the room or in another room.
This may need to be adapted to work within your personal space, routines, and family dynamics. Be confident with yourself and the approach you use, as children will pick up on indecisiveness and exploit it when they can. Over time, you’ll fine tune your approach and not have to jump through the hoops. Limits and expectations are reinforced through practice. Eventually, a simply stated direction will do the trick.
And remember - make sure you bring BIG SMILES, ENERGY, and ENTHUSIASM!
Looking for more ideas, or have questions? Contact me to discuss your concerns.